The One Phrase That Helps Kids Feel Safe Enough to Open Up

Maybe it’s time to upgrade what we say when a kid is having a problem.
The way we ask might be closing the door.

“What’s wrong?”

We say it because we care, because something’s clearly off and we want to help. But to a kid in the middle of a meltdown, that question can feel like a spotlight. Too bright, too much, too fast.

Here’s the shift, and it’s a small one, but a game changer:

“Tell me what feels hard right now.”

Say it out loud. Feel the difference.

It’s not a demand, it’s a lifeline. You’re not prying, you’re inviting.

You’re saying, I can handle what’s difficult for you right now. You don’t have to clean it up for me.

This according to Reem Raouda, who studied over 200 kids and how to help them achieve emotional well-being.

So when you say, “Tell me what feels hard right now,” you know what happens next?

Their shoulders drop, their eyes soften. They might still cry. But now they’re crying with you, not away from you.

Because emotional intelligence doesn’t start with the right answers. It starts with feeling safe enough to look.

That one phrase does more than calm a moment. It builds trust. It teaches language. It gives your child the gift of knowing they’re allowed to struggle and still be loved.

So next time things feel tense, try it. You don’t need to fix the storm. You just need to stand steady in it. And that — that is what makes you the safest place they know.

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